When you do BIG things, things that make no sense to the VAST majority of humans…people are going to talk. And they are going to talk a lot. Way more than you initially realize.
I don’t say this to scare you, I say this because it’s UTTERLY inevitable. Without a shadow of a down.
When you leave a ‘perfect (from the outside) marriage’ the rumor mill is gonna mill. And mill it will!
When you fire someone from a team who isn’t a good fit, even if you give them a severance, and plenty of notice…their friends probably will be mad at you.
When shift a partnership, in any capacity, whomever is hurt in the mix? Will have a lot to say to a lot of people.
When you go into the ‘grand unknown’ and leave behind most knowns? They’ll talk too.
In the past three years, I’ve been called/had the following things said about me behind my back AND to my face by friends, loved ones, and strangers: ‘spoiled brat’, ‘stupid girl’, ‘who the fuck are you to bring YOGA to Julia Child’s house? If Julia met you she’d roast you like a chicken’, ‘dumb bitch’, ‘selfish bitch’, ‘terrible’, ‘bitch’.
Yes, these are quotes. I unfriended, unfollowed, or blocked these folks from my life. I don’t suffer it.
I’ve had friends I thought would be ‘lifetime’ ones ghost because ‘I’d changed’, clients badmouth me behind my back to their ‘influencer buddies’ about my lack of impact on their lives. It’s ALL happened.
I’ve had people block me – by the dozens. I’ve had people threaten my life. I’ve had people write to me and say my leadership sucks after something they offered to my community didn’t land well. I’ve had the gamut.
That might be rough to hear, because I KNOW KNOW KNOW that so many of us desire to be liked. Me too.
It hurts my feelings when these things happen. I still have a partially wounded middle school girl in my soul (thank god she gets smaller and better taken care of everyday). And no it doesn’t feel good.
AND…I CAN’T care.
I do care. That isn’t what I am saying. I literally have to stop caring, and so you do.
The vitriol? The anger? Breadcrumbs. It means I’ve activated something in them. When someone gets frustrated with you? You’ve activated something in them. With every negative, comes dozens of positives. None of them matter. None of them are me, or actually indicative of me. Just indicative of how YOU react/respond to ME.
NONE of this is to say I am perfect. I’ve made mistakes. Some of those comments might be ‘warranted’ in some capacity, too. But none of them are a reflection of me, and I have to remember that. They are reflection of the people’s response to you. And they are crucial, valuable information. Information for you to filter. Not truth, or lies. Something to look at. Data to sift through.
Never let people who don’t resonate with you be thieves of your joy. Use their criticism/activations as information on moving forward, and making better/different choices.
NONE of this is easy. But disappointing people is inevitable. Utterly. Completely.